Arms of Sorrow
by Totally Uninspired Name
Summary: "I will hunt you down. You think the worst is behind you? You know nothing my love". Sigyn runs. She runs as fast and as far as she can, trying desperately to repair the shattered remains of her life, but the monster is catching up and the nightmare continues. Hawkeye tries to save her, but maybe she is beyond saving now.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did I would be happy. I'm not happy

Arms of Sorrow

_There were those in Asgard who said I must have been mad to remain with the trickster god. It's only now I feel they are right, and the price I paid to find out was too high. It's too much. Oh my children, my beautiful children. Forgive me, please forgive me. I should have run when I had the chance._

She couldn't remember the screams. The only evidence was a hoarse throat much later. Her dress was stained with the blood of the innocent and her hands softly traced the unrecognisable face of her youngest son. The twins were entwined on the cold tiles. Narvi, her sweet Narvi, torn to pieces. Vali, his younger brother, lay with eyes vacant and a sword protruding from his chest. His was face frozen in a twisted expression of fear and pain. The innocent light extinguished from their eyes that were so like hers. He was so cold. Sigyn placed a hand upon his forehead and fresh tears slipped from her eyes. She buried her face in Vali's dark hair and howled with loss.

_I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry._

There was nothing left. No chance to ever set this right.

The high palace of Asgard was in turmoil. It wasn't long before knowledge of these events passed into the lower levels, then to the city and finally began to trickle across realms. Chaos was much like fire; give it enough fuel and it will spread and consume. Asgard was awash with rumours and fear. From his prison, the chaos-bringer laughed and screamed, as the first hours of his eternal punishment began.

Night fell quickly. Dark clouds amassed on the horizon. If the mood of the thunder god was any indication, the storm would be a big one. The rains began to fall and drops slipped across the smooth buildings and cascaded to the floors. Not a soul moved in this weather. It was best to let the storm pass. Odin could well understand his son's fury. The distant rumble of thunder broke the Allfather's contemplation. So much had been sacrificed to keep this realm safe, but the innocent always suffered. His heart felt heavy in his chest and his old eye slipped closed. Around him, two ravens glided silently and departed to their observations.

_Narvi, Vali. Oh my children. Please no, not this. Anything but this._

The healers could do nothing. Instead they cleaned and stitched. They cleansed the bodies as carefully as they could. Then they retired. Many of them had done such work on the warriors who frequented their halls. But never on children, Eir noted. In all their long history, children had never lain on these tables. The very knowledge of that had turned many of them away at the earliest opportunity, until only Eir was left to tend to the corpses. The skin was cold, she stroked Vali's dark locks away from his forehead as she dabbed at the spots of blood freckled across his skin. She paused as she heard the flutter of wings. A raven sat in the rafters watching intently.

"Hello", she said softly. "Did the Allfather send you"?

The raven blinked, and shifted his gaze. Whichever one it was, it did not wish to be here, at this time for this purpose. She could relate to that. Eir sighed and covered Vali's body with a sheet. Narvi's body was already covered. Even with her skills, the cause of his death was obvious. There was nothing else that could be done. In other circumstances she would have requested a magic user, but that would not do on this occasion. When she turned round, the raven had slipped out, and she heard the cries echo down through the halls. A broken mother's sobs and the one thing she couldn't heal.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did, I wouldn't be this cruel.

Please review

Chapter 2

The light from the candles hurt her eyes. Sigyn rubbed them wearily and sat up. Her head was pounding, everything ached and her throat felt like fire. Her hair was knotted and messy, her skin pale and tear streaked. Her nails were caked in blood and she felt the dried remains on her skin. Her limbs felt heavy and her stomach seized in discomfort. Had she fallen ill?

_What's happened? It's so late. Narvi and Val-_

She sank back onto the bed, breaths coming in heavy gasps pounding in her chest as her eyes flooded with fresh tears. Sigyn moaned in sorrow and turned her face into the pillows on her bed. She clawed at them desperately while the tears slipped from her dark eyes.

A hand pressed a cup in front of her face. It took her a moment to recognise Eir behind the cup.

"Here, drink this".

_By the Norns, let it be poison…_

Eir watched as her friend's breath finally evened out. Sigyn slipped back into a deep sleep. She would have to wake her eventually, but not just now. She stood and walked around the bedchamber. Despite being married to Loki for centuries, Sigyn and her sons were given their own apartments. Sigyn's room was simple. Filled with books on the healing arts and other ornaments, her room was a cross between that of a princess and a palace healer. She never did need luxuries and Eir had always admired her for that. Yet the room still held signs of the status she was entitled to.

Outside was the family chamber and across from that the now empty rooms of the twins. Anything that was theirs had been removed to the bedrooms. Sigyn had woken several times screaming in agony. The first time it was because they had draped a blanket that belonged to Vali over her. After that, all of their belongings had been swiftly removed. Eir opened the balcony doors hoping that the fresh air would help. The storm Thor had caused had died down by now and there was a cool snap in the air. Sigyn would have a headache when she awoke, and Eir was tired. It had been a long night. No one had slept. Outside, Muninn sat on the balcony looking inside, his posture stiff and unyielding. Yet he was looking to her but not at her. Almost as if he was looking at everything she was and everything she had done. That was what the children used to joke about. Muninn would look at you and he could see what you had for breakfast last year. At least she thought this one was Muninn. He was supposed to be more insightful than his companion. Eir almost laughed at herself. Thinking a raven was more focused than another, foolish. She needed sleep and a hot meal herself. Muninn still regarded her with large eyes.

"You may as well look", Eir sighed. "You didn't come here to see me".

Muninn stretched his wings and glided over to the end of the bed. He settled and watched the dark haired goddess of fidelity tremble in her sleep. Eir sank down into a chair by the window. She watched as the clouds moved slowly revealing bright stars. In the distance the newly formed Bifrost hummed and shimmered in the light. Everything looked fresh after a thunderstorm, but it looked dark and she knew it would stay that way even after the dawn broke.

Sigyn whimpered and tossed.

"Loki, don't please"-

There was no cure for a nightmare. It didn't matter how deeply you slept or how much you were drugged. Nightmares are made of our worst fears and our darkest memories. This memory would not fade. There was no way. Perhaps one day there would be a way to cope with it. But somewhere in her heart, Eir knew that it wouldn't be that easy. Sigyn had lost her children. There was no coming back from that.

"_Sigyn. Wake up little lamb. I have a surprise for you"._

_No, no this was wrong. This was all wrong. Sigyn stood within the arches of the throne room. This was the same day, the same minute almost. Odin sat proudly atop his throne, ready to pass judgement. Frigga stood at his side, Thor next to her and she- where was she? Yes, the bottom of the steps with her children. _

_Narvi, Vali, oh gods no. Not again, have to save them somehow. I can save them._

_Sigyn opened her mouth to shout, to scream at them to run. Nothing, it was like she was underwater. She couldn't call to them, they didn't even see her. She was too far._

_Have to get to them, have to-_

_But she couldn't move. Then she heard it. Laughter. The only thing she could hear. She looked over at the people in the room. She had stood with her sons. Each of them solemn and quiet, a miracle in itself. She stood patiently. If this had to be done, if it had to be endured, she would endure it as she had every other moment in their marriage, with dignity. With fidelity. _

_I was such a naïve fool._

_Loki was surrounded by guards in chains. It wouldn't help. His weapon was never physica; his weapon was his mind, his magic. Someone realise that! Put a sword through his heart, please! She couldn't watch this again. Sigyn willed herself, her shadow to recognise the danger. To kill him as quickly and as painfully as she could._

"_Now, now. That's not very loyal is it"._

_Those words made her freeze in terror. _

"_You're not here", whispers, all she could manage. "You're not real, it's a dream. Just a dream, I can wake up"._

"_Oh no. No you can't. You will watch this. You will watch this to Ragnarok if I so choose". A cold hand encircled her throat and pulled her body flush against his. "You will watch this, my wife"._

_She couldn't remember what Loki had said to her before those steps. He fixed his gaze upon his sons and laughed. The younger, the one who wished for his father's approval met his stare and his fate was sealed. A simple word that was all it took. In a language so old and dead that barely any recalled its existence. All she could do was scream as Vali changed. She begged and pleaded for him to stop this. Loki just laughed as their youngest son tore apart the eldest. Fangs dripping with blood and flesh, she saw it. She saw what the guards had seen when they pierced his body with spears. The wolf Fenrir. The demon of their stories come to life before them. It took eighteen men with swords and spears to put him down. Sigyn had fallen next to Narvi, her dress stained with his blood which flowed freely around the throne. She called his name and cupped his face, willing him to wake up. To open his beautiful eyes again._

"_Mother"-_

_Raising her eyes, she met Vali's gaze. He stared at her with confusion. He was held up only by the seven spears sticking into his body. She screamed as the light left his eyes. The guards retracted quickly and the child fell to the stone beside his brother. _

_Hidden in the arches, Sigyn heard and saw things she wasn't aware of. The warriors three and Sif held back Thor from Loki as he raged and promised vengence. Frigga fled from Odin to comfort the grieving shadow of Sigyn. Odin remained impassive staring down at the monster he had called son. Loki met his stare defiantly. He said something, but she couldn't make it out. _

_The scene vanished and the hall returned to an empty void. A sudden snap brought her back. Loki continued to pull her against him. She started to struggle horrified when she felt his obvious arousal. He moaned and pressed his lips to her neck and jaw. She wanted to cut his lying tongue out, anger replacing grief. Revenge instead of compliance. _

"_Get off of me now", she shouted struggling against him. Loki growled and spun her around against a pillar. _

"_Do you want to see again"? he hissed. "I can make it so you never leave here, you will be trapped in your worst reality forever. You will beg for your death". _

"_Yours first", she bit back. "You are a monster. They were your sons, your sons"!_

"_Half-breeds, raised on weakness. No use to me, but you still can be". He let his fingers trace her face and fall down over her breast to her waist. He nuzzled her neck and nipped at the skin, licking a trace of dried blood. "My beautiful, loyal wife. You will give me more children, stronger and deadly"._

"_You are mad. I will never come to you willingly"._

_Loki pushed down the neckline of her dress and traced his fingers across the runes on her heart._

"_Willing or not, you are mine. You will never be free of me". _

_The realisation of this struck her silently and forcefully. He was right, she couldn't. Loki smirked and planted a soft kiss over the runes._

"_You always did look so beautiful wrapped up in sorrow. Soon my love"._

She was shaking when she woke up. Eir immediately approached her and stopped. Those bruises weren't there before. Wordlessly, she handed Sigyn a mirror and the terrified goddess stroked the bruises on her neck and arms. She wasn't sure what hurt worse.

In the throne room, Muninn watched as the last of the blood was cleaned off the floor. If walls could talk, that was what the humans said. It wasn't getting them to talk. It was getting them to shut up. The raven shook out his feathers. Huginn was nearby and the Allfather was waiting.


	3. Chapter 3

I own nothing!

Chapter is so short, cause I am really busy working just now. Longer one soon.

Chapter 3

Supported on one side by Frigga and on the other by Eir, Sigyn watched as the funeral pyre burned brightly. Her children disappeared before her eyes. The ceremony was quiet. Usually the whole realm would turn out for the funeral of a prince but Frigga overruled this. Sigyn loved her for it. The whole of Asgard was awash with rumours and speculations. Even though those present were her friends and family, she could feel eyes on her. Some in sympathy, some accusing. Others couldn't look at her at all. Not that it mattered; she could barely look at herself. The guilt didn't grow anymore, now it just lay on top of her heart and mind.

She vaguely heard the shuffles of people leaving and half whispered condolences in her ears. Her eyes never left the flames. Frigga and Eir stepped back to give her space. She felt cold. Tired, and sore. It was too much. Throughout the ceremony she heard nothing but whispers and taunts. A serpentine voice danced around her head. Now she was alone, but there was no peace.

"_No, and there never will be"._

Of course, as soon as she was alone. She turned, but Frigga and Eir were deep in conversation. _Help, _she mouthed desperately, but the two continued glancing at her every so often.

"_They can't see us love, look"._

Sigyn saw another shadow. The shadow stood looking out over the pyre, still and in grief. Loki circled her like a predator, tracing his fingers over the fresh bruises on her neck.

"Leave me".

"_Make me", Loki bit down on her neck drawing blood. His tongue flicked at it. "Mmm". _

Sigyn winced in pain. Tears filled her eyes but she refused to spill them.

"_Don't hold back. I love to see you cry, and I love to hear you scream"._

"Sigyn! What happened"?

He was gone, he was gone. Eir cupped her face and stared in horror at her neck.

"How did this happen"?

Sigyn gulped and grasped Eir's hands.

"I don't know. I need help. Please help me".

Eir took the shaking woman into her arms. What could have unsettled her so?


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for this being so short – still a bit swamped down with work just now, so longer update next week. Please review First story, so I'm really interested to know what people think.

Once again, I own nothing…

Chapter 4

"Sigyn, I swear. You are not losing your mind. I don't know how this is happening but I promise you I will find out", Eir tried to reason with the petrified woman and Frigga held her close and rocked her.

"I thought, in my grief, I had caused the bruises. I thought I was dreaming and hurt myself, I didn't want to believe he could still hurt me. But, he can and if he can do this, he can- oh gods", Sigyn broke off frantically and ran to the bathroom. Seconds later, they heard heaving as Sigyn expelled what little had been in her stomach. Loki's threats resounding within her mind.

Frigga, normally calm and stoic, wrung her hands and began pacing.

"I can't think what this could be my lady", Eir spread her hands helplessly. "I have never heard of this. If they were dreams, a physical manifestation on the flesh- it's against the laws of gods and men. I stayed by her side I never left her. She is not responsible for these marks. If he is doing this, I don't know how and he is the only one who could tell us. No one else in Asgard holds that kind of power".

She bit her lip. "If what Sigyn says is true, Loki means to harm her. He will guard this knowledge. I do not know of any in Asgard who could match him".

"Sigyn could, in the past. She served a greater calling. You know as I do the ability to heal without tools is not common Eir. Their studies diverted, but it puts us at a disadvantage. Even I do not know the depths to which Loki's studies took him. We could tear apart the libraries for a thousand years or more, and by the time we finish, we may be nowhere near our answers. He could have destroyed her by then".

"What can we do"?

"I have scholars working on it. I could try to speak with Loki, perhaps he may listen to me".

"Maybe we don't have to", Sigyn's voice sounded small from the doorway. "We don't have to do any of it. It's so stupid. I should have known".

"Known what"? Frigga approached the woman she regarded as her daughter and took a deep breath. "What do you think has done this"?

"Runes", she answered fearfully. "When he first gave them to me, he said they would protect me. They would bind us and keep me close to him. It was after the Johtenheim attack, on Thor's coronation. He put them on the twins as well".

"Show them to me", Frigga commanded. Refusing to look at them, Sigyn bared her left breast. Frigga hissed and Eir looked between them in confusion.

"I don't understand", she said softly.

"This magic is forbidden. It's not a protection spell. It's a spell of corruption. It's how he can talk to you, invade your dreams. This is the reason Vali wasn't immune to his father's magic. This was his revenge", Frigga closed her eyes and turned from her daughter. "Why did you let him do this"?

"Because I was scared, because my children were scared. Because I thought, for one brief moment, I hoped in that moment, that Loki had come back to me. That he loved us. There was so much confusion, so much fear. It was a spell I had never seen but, I just thought that- How could I have known? Now my sons are dead, he promised to protect them and now they are dead".

"And you are bound to him by more than fidelity. By more than the laws of this realm". Frigga walked to the door and laid her hand on the knob. "You have lost your sons, and mine is lost. You knew these laws Sigyn, I understand why you trusted him but I expected better of you, as my daughter and as my student". With that, she left. She should have gone straight to Odin, but she paused and veered left. The vault held more than weapons. It held knowledge, and perhaps that was where she could find her answers. How did one remove a binding rune that was cast in dark magic? She wasn't sure there was an answer. For Sigyn's sake, she dared to hope.

"Sig"-

"Please just go. Leave me be".

"If he comes back"?

"Your presence didn't stop him before. If he wants me, he will find me. Maybe it's what I deserve. Go Eir, there are people who need you".

Sigyn didn't turn around; instead she walked straight out onto the balcony and stayed there. Eir slipped out of the room.

"_Alone at last"._


	5. Chapter 5

Eventually, she has no sense of time. The reason for this is simple; she doesn't want to think about how long she has been at his mercy, if he even knows the meaning of the word. He doesn't let her pass out, she can't sleep, can't scream. Can't do anything but lie there. In truth, it was the ultimate humiliation. She has always been passive. For centuries, he had poked and prodded for a response. Eventually he would resort to violence. She would bow her head and carry on, with bruises and cuts, and shame burning on her face, she would carry on. But now, now she wants to fight. Now she wants blood, she wants revenge. Now that he has her rage, now he has caught her attention. And now he denies her, as she denied him. He builds her up like a fire, and takes it away. Until she is left, physically passive, unable to fight back, but with a fire burning brightly, a thirst of revenge that makes him take her, makes him victimise her. She is left empty, with nothing to burn and nothing to destroy.

She whimpers in pain and tears of frustration escape from her eyes. But Loki isn't finished. Instead he grips her neck tightly and forces her eyes open while he rapes her. She knows there is blood. She knows he has bruised and cut her. She can hear him laughing and taunting her.

After he is finished, Loki sits next to her and continued to trace shallow cuts down her back and on her arms. Then he slices into her breasts, neck and face. Never enough to kill, just enough so it will sting. Eventually, he puts the dagger to one side and picks up her limp hand. He traces along her fingers and across her palm. The gesture is almost sweet, like when he first married her. His skin is cool against her burning flesh. Her fear stays; even now he is unpredictable.

She doesn't know how long passes, but eventually she is aware she can speak now.

"Why"?

"I told you my love, I would hear you scream", he hisses.

When he breaks her fingers, she has no choice.

Frigga felt elated. There was a way to destroy the rune after all. She walked briskly towards Sigyn's rooms. First, sort out the counter and then they could move on. Guilt had gnawed at her for what she said to Sigyn. But they could make this right, somehow it would be right again. She had lost a son, she could not lose her daughter as well.

Sigyn's rooms were dark and she was alone. Her bed sheets were matted in blood and sweat. The smell of sex hung heavily in the air, adding to her shame. Her skin was covered in cuts and welts, the blood had dried and clumped on her skin. She held her left hand against her chest. The broken bones supplying a dull ache that she barely registered. Her eyes hurt and her throat is raw. His fingers have left marks around her neck.

The bed dips slightly and Sigyn whimpers.

"No more, please no more".

But the pain doesn't come. There is no mocking and there are no taunts. A hand rests on her head and a gentle voice assures her she is safe now. The worst is over, and they have the key to ending this.

For the first time in her life, Sigyn can't believe a single word Frigga tells her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**I own nothing!**

Please Review

Odin watched from the door while Frigga tended to Sigyn's wounds. Thor stood next to his father looking sombre. Slowly, the cuts on her body faded leaving only thin red lines. Frigga supported Sigyn on one side, Eir on the other and they took her through to the bathing chamber.

"If he could escape, he would have done so by now", Odin said quietly. Thor nodded in agreement.

"But what does he gain from hurting Sigyn"?

"What did he gain from killing the boys? Chaos", Odin surmised. "He will hurt those he thinks oppose him. Sigyn is the perfect target".

"She is innocent", Thor raged.

"I know", Odin responded. "And because of that, her torture will be all the more sweeter to him".

"What happened to my brother"? Thor asked mournfully, eyes filled with sorrow. Odin had no answer for him.

It was four days before Sigyn felt strong enough to face him. Her physical wounds had healed, her mental scars remained. She drank mead to strengthen her resolve and give her energy. She had gone nights without sleep, surrounded by friends who guarded her from the monster in the dark. After today, she would sleep again. After today, she would be free. Flanked by Frigga and Thor, she followed Odin down to the depths of the cells in the palace. Where once comforts had been placed for Loki's benefit they were now removed for instruments of torture. A hard metal bed was centred in the middle of the room above a stand with a serpent clinging to it. Venom dripped from his fangs and seared the pale flesh below. Sigyn gasped slightly. Odin, it would seem, had not lost his flair for the dramatic. He had threatened Loki with this before and finally had followed through. It was too little, too late.

She could not hear Loki's screams of agony. As much as she wanted to, she could not stand to hear his manipulative voice again. The gag sent from Earth was certainly a godsend.

"_I love you Sig"._

_Liar, silver tongue, murderer… _

All these things she had known and she hated him for the lies she lived. No more.

For her benefit, Loki was blindfolded as she stood before him. She would not let him look at her. Frigga carefully placed a small bowl beneath the serpent's fangs and several drops of venom slipped into it. Loki breathed easier as the pain was taken away for a few moments. His body flinched and contorted in anger once the drips resumed.

_No agony is enough for you lie smith._

Thor and Odin turned their backs to give her some dignity. Frigga stepped in front of her as Sigyn opened her robe and bared her breast, and the mark upon it.

"Are you ready"? Frigga asked softly. Sigyn nodded, steel in her eyes and iron in her resolve. Loki moved in confusion.

Sigyn screamed as the venom made contact with her flesh. Thor shook visibly to hear the agony in her voice. He wept openly. Odin's eye sank shut in regret. She would carry this scar, there was no healing for it. Frigga chanted quickly willing the incantation to hurry. The mark was softly disappearing, it's evil leaving and returning to the source.

Loki only whimpered in pain, his screams had long since been used. As the mark faded from Sigyn, blood seeped from his chest. It was working.

The guards outside the chamber cringed in fear. They didn't know what was happening but it sounded awful. The ruling family had descended into that cell an hour after sunrise. They would not leave it until four hours past dusk. All the while the screams continued.

Loki snarled as the blindfold was removed. His eyes blinked and his focus came sharper after a few minutes. Sigyn's warm eyes stared back at him. Her face was calm and her tone was level. That had to change. Loki channelled his thoughts directly at her, only to find nothing. Just a wall, a barrier he couldn't cross. ;

Sigyn crouched down next to him and pushed his hair from his face. She moved her face closer to his and whispered.

"I'm free, completely and totally. You will rot here Loki, you will stay trapped beneath this serpent until Ragnarok comes. You will never find me, you will never control me again, and I will live my life safe in the knowledge that you are nothing. My sons are beyond your power, you have no hold on me. I have no husband, I have no fidelity to you". She pushed aside the material around her torso to show him the remains of a blackened scar.

"My battle wound, I will bear it proudly. I have escaped you. You have no power and no way to get to me", she said simply. "Remember this"?

She unfolded a small silver dagger with blue inlays in the handle. "It belonged to Vali. I have the right to pierce your heart with it". She traced it over Loki's chest feeling his breath and heartbeat beneath the tip.

"But it won't bring them back", she lifted the blade. "And I would see you suffer for eternity".

She slipped the knife down and several gasps came from behind her. She didn't care anymore.

"Just like you hurt me", She whispered. The dagger slipped into Loki's manhood, and for once Sigyn's healing hands weren't gentle. "I know a thousand ways to hurt you, and I will".

He screamed at first.

She left him, the blade still protruding from the wound. Frigga slipped her arm around Sigyn's shoulders and the pair were followed by Thor and Odin. Loki was making more noise now. Sigyn knew what it was, but she promised herself she would not turn around. If she did, he would win and she would lose. Never would he have that satisfaction. She ignored what she heard, but she wouldn't forget it. Loki was laughing behind his gag.

He was laughing. He was mad.

"_Mother, mother"…._

_In my dreams I still see them. I will never stop seeing them. their presence surrounds me and I can't breathe. I thought it would be easier after a while, but now I see the truth. I cannot stay here. _

_Please my friend, let me go._

In the end, it was a simple choice, I had to leave.

A brief supplication to Heimdall, and a letter for Thor and our parents. I packed what little I wanted. I wanted to visit my boys before I left and made my way to the funeral pyre. It had long since burned out. Cold and desolate, under starlight and moonlight. I left my tokens for them. Vali's wooden soldiers that Volstagg had made for him last solstice. Narvi's amulet of the world tree. It had been wrought by the finest smiths Hogun had found. I left them one more thing. Wrapped in blue silk, I left their book of stories. I would never read it again, and death is long.

"Valkyries protect my sleeping babes", I whispered. Then I disappeared, never to return.


End file.
